Best of DLS: The Origin of the Upset Bird

This is The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz, and yes, we’re dropping fresh holiday content right now.

We dug into the vault for a week of classics, from 2006 through 2012, with Dan’s Pat Riley story, the origin of the upset bird, Greg not knowing wrestling, a CrossFit rant, a wild steam room tale, GSP, and Detlef Schrempf.

After the Alan Houston shot bounced Miami out, Pat Riley told me he was at his desk in tears until Alonzo Mourning walked in and demanded he lead, and the loss hit harder because Riley knew that group had topped out and needed to be torn down.

I wondered if that was when Riley coined “there’s winning and there’s misery,” and got told that line goes back to Showtime.

Listeners asked about the “imaginary bird,” so here’s the deal: Greg has been making NFL picks for years with help from a fictional bird.

The upset bird is a glossy crow that speaks in italics, and all media inquiries go to his agent, Drew Rosenhawk.

We tested Greg with a speed round on wrestlers and pool legends, which devolved into him naming Haystacks Calhoun, the Black Widow, and Paul Newman while tossing in a vaudeville curveball.

I was watching a CrossFit spot and called the craze a bad idea for regular people, with weekend certifications, risky movements, and a track record of injuries.

I’m actually starting sessions with a trainer who did the quick cert, he wants to film all fifteen, there’s a warmup stretch, and I’m taking bets on how long I last.

Everyone has a buddy chasing fads who suddenly becomes a CrossFit coach, and those folks end up with cranky shoulders.

Texts poured in from pros saying they see CrossFit injuries daily, and I predicted Stugotz would do Olympic lifts, a thousand toes-to-bar, then one rep of quitting forever.

I’m the guy who buys every ab gadget, does one session, checks the mirror, and wonders why I’m not shredded.

George St-Pierre, one of the best ever, who do you have pound-for-pound and whose specific skill do you envy?

Many are better than me at certain things, I’ve got Frankie Edgar as my top pound-for-pound, I admire elite boxing speed and world-class jiu-jitsu, and MMA rewards the all-around game like a triathlon.

If we put any boxer across from you in an MMA fight, do you beat a one-discipline specialist?

In mixed rules I can strike, wrestle, and submit, so yes, but in pure boxing they’d beat me because it’s their lane.

How fast could you kill me if you wanted to?

Knocking someone out is quick, but killing is hard and not like the movies, a choke can put you out fast, while lasting harm takes longer.

What’s your cheat when you eat badly?

I’ll crush chocolate cake, I don’t track calories, and my family just doesn’t put on weight.

Steam room etiquette question: I’m seated near the door when a very naked man storms in and rummages around me for lost items while I’m stuck saying “whoa” in a language he clearly didn’t speak.

The twist is Dan wore socks, sneakers, and shorts into the steam room, which in some places is a jailable offense.

Detlef Schrempf joins, and I ask if Dirk humming Hasselhoff at the line shames the homeland.

It’s not about the song, it’s about a routine that clears the mind, I haven’t really heard his music, Miami in six because Shaq and Wade pressure the rim, and Gary Payton’s trash talk definitely wandered into your-mom territory.