Why You Feel Everything So Deeply (and how to survive it) - Dr Sasha Hamdani - #1147

Why did you start researching emotionally sensitive people? This feels intensely personal, but loads of people are carrying it without a name or map.

Because I’m one of them. With patients, I kept seeing people absorb emotional information fast, feel it at full volume, and stay with it long after everyone else moves on.

A pause, tone, somebody looking away, silence before a reply—you’re not just noticing it. You’re asking, “Was that me? Are they annoyed?”

And it burns brain power. You review interactions, mask, change your behavior, try to prevent problems. With rejection sensitive dysphoria, criticism can feel bodily, like the wind has been knocked out of you.

Highly sensitive person and RSD aren’t identical. Sensitivity can include noise, lights, busyness, chaos; RSD is especially about perceived rejection or disapproval.

That’s how I’d frame it. “Highly sensitive person” isn’t a clinical diagnosis, and sensitivity is a range. We need a broader conversation about dysregulation, particularly in ADHD and anxiety.

What is the brain doing when a social slight sends somebody into orbit—an airplane moving quickly, or a submarine taking ages to surface?

It’s not simply low dopamine; there may not be enough in the right place when regulation is needed. A responsive amygdala, less-available frontal areas, and a rough connection between them can make a missed text feel threatening. Norepinephrine adds the alarm: racing heart, sweating, chest discomfort, panic.

Hormones can move the whole board too: monthly shifts, pregnancy, postpartum, menopause, and falling testosterone later in life.

When estrogen drops, dopamine can drop too, making regulation harder for part of the month. Testosterone can be protective for alertness and balance, so its decline may bring feelings some men were never taught to handle.

But sensitivity isn’t automatically a defect. The world can be spiky, yet feeling deeply is an advantage. Performing composure isn’t the same as being composed.

I wouldn’t trade mine. It’s made me a better doctor, parent, partner, and friend. In my office, tone, body language, and earlier tension can suggest the next question. But reading neutral cues as hostile can damage self-esteem. Confidence is what you can do; self-worth is who you are.

Men get a rough deal. Anger is often more permitted than sadness, and we tell men to open up while recoiling when they genuinely break down.

I’m on a soapbox about that. Boys learn to bury sadness, fear, and sensitivity while anger becomes one of the few permitted outlets. I hid when I was little because I felt embarrassed and sad. Later, “I’m fine” felt safer than crying. A lot of people carry that shame.

Dating makes it brutal. A late reply leaves empty space, and the brain writes a nightmare into it. Ghosting becomes, “There must be something wrong with me.”

I used to end relationships before anyone could reject me: “I quit. I’m out.” I didn’t want somebody to confirm what I feared. After opening up, a vulnerability hangover can make you replay it, feel exposed, and want to shut the door again.

Where’s the line between sensitivity and fragility? Validation is lovely, but limitless validation leaves no accountability.

Nobody else gets to decide that line for you. The goal isn’t to stop receiving emotional data; it’s to change its intensity, duration, and what we do with it. People get called weak without being given a way to regulate.

Which is why you built a toolkit: when you’re flooded, the part that could choose a tool has gone offline.

Pick tools while steady. Movement can interrupt the pattern—I’ve quietly tightened my calves in a frightening meeting. Delay your reaction: don’t fire off the fourth text; let the amygdala cool so the frontal lobe can join in. Mindfulness isn’t blanking your mind; it’s observing without judging or rushing to fix.

There’s a parenting version: validate disappointment without teaching victimhood. The heel of a loaf may be the biggest loss a child has faced that day.

Rather than calling it dumb, help a kid understand why they want it. Sensitive parenting means offering safety, not forcing a child out of a big feeling. My husband’s calm helps, and I can think, I know this territory.

You were headed for pediatric intensive care until somebody told you that you cried too much for it. Awful delivery, but it revealed medicine needed a place where sensitivity was an asset.

I thought, okay, where in medicine am I allowed to cry? That’s how I found psychiatry. Sensitivity is difficult and wonderful at once. Catching huge emotions and using the right tool can change everything. That’s why I wrote Too Sensitive; I’m the Psych Doctor MD on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube.

Dr. Sasha Handani, thank you for going into the murky depths with those of us who have way too many emotions. Goodbye, my beanies.